Forward from my new book: You Won’t Forget Me
You asked me once what I wanted you to do to me and I blushed and giggled and couldn’t look you in the eyes for a few moments. With one simple, innocent question, you transformed a hurting artist and beautiful mother of two into an eighth grade girl again, one with a serious, thrilling crush. When I was finally able to compose myself enough to answer you, I wrapped my hands around yours and laid my face against your perfect face and whispered, “I don’t know yet but I do know what I don’t want you to do to me. I don’t want you to break me. Please, don’t break me.” You unlocked your hands and you ran your fingers up the sides of my arms and around my neck. Every single hair on my body stood up and my heart was speeding and pounding. You kissed me twice and then you stared into my eyes in a way that nobody had ever done before. It was thrilling and terrifying. I’ve never felt that vulnerable before. I don’t know what you saw that afternoon and I don’t know what you thought. But looking into your eyes, what I saw scared the shit out of me and cut my breath off. There was something so dead and empty in you, Lucas. There was this dreadful loneliness that squeezed my heart shut. You said one night that being with me had thawed you and invigorated every part of you. Maybe that was true but when I looked into you that day, there was nothing warm about you. I saw sadness and fear and devastation. You’re broken, Lucas. You were before you came into my life, you were while we were together, and you still are. This is why everything good around you eventually breaks too. You poison all the fucking flowers before they can bloom and you let cynicism control and guide every part of your life. You told me that day that perhaps I actually needed to be broken. You said, “Think of it as a chance to remake yourself the way you always wanted to be, Kaitlyn.” Maybe I should’ve stopped right there and got dressed and walked away but I didn’t because I thought there was a chance that you actually believed enough of your own bullshit to remake you. Or maybe the sex was just that fucking good and I thought I could heal your wounds. I’m not sure anymore what I was thinking or if I even was. I do however know how I wished I’d answered that question. I wish I would have said, “I want you to fuck me until you go back San Francisco and I want you to never, ever utter a single sentence or thought that involves the words “Us” and “Future”. I want you to stop trying to be something you aren’t and never will be; happy, satisfied, nice, and sincere. God, I wish I would have said that to you because I remember feeling those things as I stared into you and saw the savagery and disaster that fucking owns you, that is you, Lucas. But I didn’t and now I pay, just like everyone else has to pay once you decide you really don’t want them or need them and never fucking did. I told you not to break me but you tried to. It just didn’t work. I won’t break for you just like I didn’t break for Scottie. I’m stronger than both of you and I refuse to be ripped apart and devoured by my insecurities. Your darker side is winning the battle, Lucas. Be careful that it doesn’t swallow your art and ruin your writing too, love.
Buy my new short story today!
My infamous short story is now available on the new Exit Here Media site for just 3.00. Check it out, you: www.jasonmyersexitheremedia.com
A snippet from an upcoming piece about me
This gives some insight into the writing of Blazed:
Writing Blazed, however, proved to be a twisted, gnarly, and beautiful story in itself. Myers would end up cribbing three completely different drafts of the book over a grueling year and a half, which included a draft totaling just over 1,400 pages, all while battling through severe depression brought on by a nervous breakdown in early July of 2012 that he was hospitalized for. The breakdown also teed off another epic round of fighting against his sixteen year addiction to alcohol and prescription painkillers. After unsuccessfully trying to terminate the book deal and give back his advance money, Myers finally had a breakthrough early one morning after he awoke in what he described as a creepy haze where everything around him looked like glass and the Future Island’s song “Little Dreamer” was playing on his Itunes. Shaky, sick, and broken, Myers glugged the remains of whiskey from a half pint, then fell to his bedroom floor with his notebook and proceeded to tear out every single page he’d filled with character notes. For the very first time since the stories conception, Myers finally started to hear his main character, Jamie, and listened as he explained who he really was. Sixteen hours later, Myers had finished recording the 43 page monologue, typing the entirety of it on his computer. Myers became incredibly disturbed and totally fascinated as he read it all back to himself. He recognized the anger and the loneliness which scarred Jamie’s words because he could feel them inside himself. Jaime’s shyness made him nervous and he relished in Jamie’s outbursts because he understood the essence of their orgins and the relatioship between them and the crushing and suffocating fear of denial and judgment by his peers for the singular, cruel purpose of public humiliation. Myers was compelled by the urgency and ambition which drove Jamie’s creativity, and he admired greatly Jamie’s curiosity and quest to know more and more and more about the things he loved and was most passionate about. Two days later, Myers met up with his longtime editor Annette Pollert, who’d flown to San Francisco from New York after expressing grave concerns over the first draft of the book as well as Jason’s health and state of mind. He showed her the first few pages from his recording of Jamie, and convinced her he was back on board and ready to write. Two months later, he delivered the infamous “1,400-pager” that he knew was terrible but important because he’d used it to flush the characters out and develop them. Then in November of 2013, Jason received the editorial coverage back and began a final revision draft which would more or less be the version that went to print, but two weeks into it, after another bout with painkillers, a night in jail, and his girlfriend deciding to leave him for London and another guy(he’d finally started urging her to go, which angered her and shocked her, to which he replied, “I’m not gonna be with someone who’s spending a part of her day imagining her life without me and with someone else. So he can have you. London can have you. Seriously. I’m good at being alone.”), he came to the final crossroad and did the unthinkable. With only eight days until his final deadline date, he scrapped everything he’d done except the characters, moved the setting to San Francisco, changed the timeline and the sequence of events of the first twenty chapters, and wrote a brand new, 570 page draft, even turning it in one day early. On June 17th, 2014, Blazed was released worldwide, ironically, becoming the best-selling debut of his short literary career. The book he never wanted to write, the book he begged to not have to write, becoming what many of his loyal readers and those closest to him believe is his finest book. “I guess maybe this was the only way for it to go down in order for it to be what it is and what it’s been for a lot of the people who’ve read it,” Myers noted at a literary event at the University of Stanford a month after Blazed hit shelves. “What the book is really about after you rip away the layers and all the external dilemmas is basically a shy, lonely boy on this journey he’s always said he wanted to go on and then gets forced to go on it with no preperation or planning at all and the only way he’s going to survive it is by proving to himself that he’s more than just what his mom wants him to be and has pushed him to be. He has to prove to himself that he’s the one who will actually be okay when the time finally comes to cut that ambilical chord and move on without her and without the blanket of protection and safety that she provides him. He needs to see if the world and life he’s always imagined might exist outside of the safety of cool established in his mother’s house is real and that he’ll be okay in this place where all the other kids in it have come with their own damage and flourished. And he’s also proving too that he is better than the kids who ridicule him because he’s given greater meaning to his life than they have with his pursuit of everything he’s passionate about and by feeding his curiosity with more knowledge outside of school curriculum requirements. And for me, it was really all about proving that I could find my voice amid the chaos going on in my life and get through it and survive another great mess and see if I could possibly thrive in it like I used to know I could. Also, and this was really, really big for me, but I had to prove to myself that I could start with nothing again and make my way back to relevancy after it felt like I was finished. Plus, it was nice to find my edge again and write honestly and sincerely while not sugar coating anything.”
Stitches(my story) is here and available to own!
Stitches has been released by Exit Here Media, along with a preview to my story, Revenge Porn, and a brand new media layout. Anyway, Stitches. He’s a summary and a little bit about why I wrote it and where it came from. I’ve got good peeps working for me.
Darlene has never seen evil. She’s only imagined what it must look like, feel like, taste like until her obese mom and her older cousin summon it into her life one afternoon. Set amid the backdrop of a depressed, rural Kentucky town still devestated from a factory closing years ago, a town where drug trafficking and prostitution make up the largest percentage of the economy, Stitches is a glimpse into the hoplessness of a hopless life. A story of preying monsters and the brutal suffering those monsters are enabled to create. After it’s initial release nearly two years ago on his old website, every week handfuls of readers wrote to the site or took to social media to share their reaction to Stitches. Some claimed they became physically ill while reading it. Others said they couldn’t finish the story due to it’s unrelenting emotional and physical torment. And some swore they became so anxious as they read that they felt like they were having panic attacks. Even Myers himself admits that he cannot read it in one sitting, only a few pages at a time, and that it often takes him a day or two before the story’s heaviness and heart shattering effects finally begin to ease up a bit. The story originated from a short story book Myers put together in late 2011 called Wild Youth. All the stories were set in the same depressed Kentucky haunt with many of the character’s lives intertwined with other’s in the different stories. When Myers decided to sit down and write Wild Youth, his intention wasn’t to shock. He was actually attempting to shine a brighter light on the awful lives people in this country lived through everyday. He felt compelled to give these lives a voice. In 2013, he wrote, “I’d come across news stories every now and then that I couldn’t believe were real because they were so gut wrenching, and awful, and disgusting. This kind of shit happening in such a supposedly advanced country in 20-fucking-13. Like what the fuck? And then I’d look away from the story only to see U.S. congressman, Senators, and Govenors talking about legitimate rape and the state demanding ultra sounds if a woman wanted an abortion. It’s sick. It’s sadistic. There are times when I can’t believe this is real. Like, how the fuck did we get here? While other countries are progressing, advancing, and growing, I’m watching sitting United States congressman, Supreme Court judges, college professors, and the business elite attempting to rehash issues and arguements that were settled, okay, settled fucking law in the 19th and 20th centuries because we understood as a nation that we were all better off and much more enlightened, healthier and prosperous if every single one of us was treated like a human being and were provided basic fucking rights. Provided freedom. Now you tell me how free a girl like Darlene is? How free are any of the children born in that place, born in places similar to that, places that not only exist still, but are becoming more common, when they’re schools are stripped bare and their familes can’t find jobs, and their houses are being stolen from them. That’s not freedom. It’s 2013 and American corporations are just shredding and gutting the lifelines of entire communities and people are starving and there’s no work anymore, none, and we’re debating another round of corporate tax cuts as we cut food stamps, and other programs that literally take the fucking food out of children’s mouths and the books out of their hands. For fucksake. This is how we’re going down, y’all, by eating our own and dooming the future. Soon, there will be nobody taking away anyone else’s voice cos you can’t take away something that they never had. Wasted Youth was nothing more than me lending my voice them, to all the fucking pretty soul kids we don’t even see anymore let alone hear.” As more and more emails and messages about the fate of Stitches found their way to Jason after Blazed hit shelves, he finally decided to re-release it on his Exit Here Media site with help and support of some of his biggest advocates.
You can purchase the story by going to the store page on the brand new media site: http://www.jasonmyersexitheremedia.com/
And Exit Here Media is now accepting payment with credit cards as well as Paypal.
Huge release tomorrow!!!!
Hey all you lovely fucking amazing pretty people. Exit Here Media is re-releasing my short story Stitches tomorrow for $2.99. While a lot of you may have read it while it was on my old site for free, the reason I’ve decided to do this is because 1. over the past year, I’ve gotten at least 300-400 emails, tweets, or Facebook messages wondering what happened to it. 2. When it was on the old site, there wasn’t an option to actually print the story which is a big deal and that was my fault. 3. It never had a cover before. 4. Along with the story and cover, you will also receive a three page preview of the next short story release from Exit Here Media called Revenge Porn, which will be coming out on November 1st. And finally, 5. Many of you have expressed frustration and anger over the fact that Destroy wasn’t printable therefore making it impossible to add it to your Jason Myers collection on the book shelf which I get cos I like doing that with my favorite authors too, so this way, you get to print out the story with a cover and everything and bind it if you want and then set it next to all my other books or take it with you. I will say this however, if you haven’t read the story please proceed with caution. It’ll fuck you up for your next few hours if not days. Seriously. I’ve read it probably seven or eight times in my life and it’s messed with my head and my fucking heart big time. Nothing I’ve ever written has done that each time. Like, it’ll be hard to read it in one sitting despite it only being twenty pages and you’ll wanna hate me for awhile and prolly take a shower to wash the filth off of you and be around people who love you for the rest of the night. Anyway, Stitches tomorrow plus the unveiling of the new Exit Here Media design!
Saw the last show at Candlestick Paul was beautiful and hung out and got to hang out with my favorite author Jason Myers who’s writing has influenced me so much. 2 heroes in 24 hours LIFE COMPLETE
We are so lame
My new novella, Destroy, is available right now!
What’s y’all! Just reminding my lovely readers and fans that my novella, Destroy, is a available to own today right here: http://www.amazon.com/Destroy-Jason-Myers-ebook/dp/B00JYDKTLO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407114659&sr=8-1&keywords=destroy+by+jason+myers for just $1.99. It was written by me in 2005 and marks the first appearance of my infamous character, James Morgan in any of my writing.
"Her voice trails off for a second.
Then, “its just something i think about from time to time. But i don’t think he’d ever hurt me like that.”
“Never think that way, Kirsten.”
“That a person who loves you won’t hurt you in the worst way possible. They will,” i say.
“I think it’s easier to hurt the people you love the most because you know they love you and you know their forgiveness is easier to come bu than other people.”
Kirsten throws her cigarette out.
“They have a history with you. All those bonds you’ve formed, those superstrong bonds, that’s what they’re counting on to win you back over once they’ve fucked up and destroyed you. Fuck your history. Looking back and feeling nostalgic about someone who’s hurt you is how you make your future miserable. So screw that.”"
— Blazed by Jason Myers page 201 (via deadmans-corpsebride)